Wikipedia Wednesday (late edition): Nugan Hand Bank

Corrupt, wasteful, and dangerously incompetent financial institutions are all the rage these days.  We hear about massive investment firms going under, executives getting bonuses despite destroying people's assets, and government bailouts to keep the financial sector from completely collapsing.  And yet, there is no story that really, truly, exemplifies a completely fucked up bank ...

... unless you look back to 1980 and read about the atrocity that was Nugan Hand Bank.

I know ... the name seems like it was lifted from a Kids in the Hall skit, but it was a real bank.  Granted, it was an Australian bank (which goes a long way toward explaining the name), but it was just as real as Bear Stearns or CIBC.  And yet, as I read through the article, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't reading the back cover of a Tom Clancy novel:

Nugan Hand Ltd. was founded in Sydney in 1973 by Australian lawyer Frank Nugan (who was reputedly associated with the Mafia in Griffith, New South Wales) and former U.S. Green Beret Michael Jon Hand who had experience in the Vietnam War (after which he began training Hmong guerillas in Northern Laos under CIA aegis, an experience alleged to account for his ties to the "Golden Triangle" heroin trade). It has been alleged that the two generally split the business: Nugan took care of tax fraud and money-laundering, while Hand managed the drug money and the international branches.

See what I mean?  Again, in case it hasn't quite sunk in yet, this was a real bank that had real customers and real investors ... investors who were soon in for a big shock.

Nugan Hand grew to be a large international enterprise.  They added a few more CIA heavies to their ranks, which apparently gave them an air of legitimacy.  Wait ... since when does being involved with the CIA make anyone or anything seem legit?

Eventually, and inevitably, the facade began to crumble.  On second thought, maybe "crumble" isn't the best word here ... let's go with "explode in a vortex of deception, panic, and death" instead.

Concerns over the bank's questionable accounting processes began to circulate by the late 1970s as investors attending annual general meetings were prevented from asking questions by the bank. These concerns turned into panic for bank investors in the early hours of 27 January 1980 when Nugan (who was facing charges of stock fraud) was found shot dead by a .30-calibre rifle in his Mercedes-Benz outside Lithgow, New South Wales. It is said that a hand-written list was found on his body with a list of substantial loans Nugan Hand had extended to various notables, such as William Colby and Bob Wilson. The following police investigation returned a verdict of suicide. Suspicions of the bank's activities grew in subsequent days as details emerged of the contents of Nugan's car (including the business card of William Colby) and news that Nugan's house and office had been ransacked by Hand and Yates and important company files destroyed or stolen.

I'm no financier, but if the head of a company I invested in refused to answer questions and proceeded to shoot himself, I'd probably call my broker and put in a sell order.  Understandably, the Australian government was a bit concerned, and called an inquest into Nugan's death and the circumstances leading up to it.  That's when things got really interesting:

The official inquest into Nugan's death in June 1980 made front-page news amid testimony from Hand that Nugan Hand was insolvent, owing at least A$50 million (and as much as hundreds of millions), including $20,000 rent on their Sydney headquarters. He then promptly fled Australia under a false identity on a flight to Fiji in June 1980, after destroying Nugan Hand's remaining records. Hand has not been seen since. It is possible that, as as a CIA operative, he re-entered the US and was given a new identity.

So, to summarize, we have one founder who shot himself in his car, and another founder who fled the country with the help of his CIA connections.  Once again ... completely real!  Not made up at all!

The going theory on Nugan Hand is that it was mainly a front for the CIA to funnel drug money to Laos where it was used to fund a war, and possibly other covert operations.  Of course, there isn't really any direct evidence to support this, and there probably never will be, but given the parties involved it's not much of a stretch.  As of today, nobody has been convicted of any wrongdoing in connection to Nugan Hand.

That all ends here and now, kind readers, for I know the whereabouts of Jon Hand, and I can ---CONNECTION LOST---