No Wikipedia Wednesday this week

I'm too freaked out by this to write anything.

Wikipedia Wednesday: Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors

Roger Ebert recently stepped into a big pile of shit when he made a blog post saying that video games can never be art.  Millions and millions of keystrokes have already been spent debating this extremely short-sighted viewpoint (which is all the more disappointing since I am a big fan of Ebert's writing), so I will not go too deep into it.  Instead, I will use this opportunity to segue into the subject of this week's WW, the first one thus far about a video game.  I think that even though Roger Ebert would not consider this hilariously bizarre game to be art, he would at least appreciate the intent behind it.

Article

Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors is an unreleased video game that was planned for release initially on the Sega CD in April 1995 and to be followed by PC and 3DO versions later that year. The game starred the comedy-magician duo Penn & Teller. The publisher Absolute Entertainment went out of business before they could release the game, yet the game was featured and previewed in various gaming publications such as Electronic Gaming Monthly and reviewed by VideoGames magazine.

A Wikipedia article about an unreleased video game?  Have I run out of ideas already?  Short answer: yes.  Better answer: just read the rest of the article.  I don't think I've ever encountered a game like this one.

The game is composed of several minigames and an adventure/platform game starring Penn & Teller. All the minigames were made for the sole purpose of enabling the owner of the game to fool their friends by many different means. The game is composed of a lot of "scam minigames" and virtual tricks. Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors is unofficially the video game equivalent of Penn & Teller's Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends video, which had the same purpose, and used properties of the video medium itself for the tricks.

Basically, it's a game you can use to punk your friends.  There is a "real" game that is supposed to be the meat of the thing (the platform adventure) but the prank minigames are the real treat here.  By far the best and most famous of these minigames is Desert Bus.

The objective of the game is to drive a bus from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada in real time at a maximum speed of 45mph. The feat requires 8 hours of continuous play to complete, since the game cannot be paused.

The bus contains no passengers, and there is no scenery or other traffic on the road. The road between Tucson and Las Vegas is without exception completely straight. The bus veers to the right slightly; as a result, it is impossible to tape down a button to go do something else and have the game end properly. If the bus veers off the road it will stall and be towed back to Tucson, also in real time. If the player makes it to Las Vegas, they will score exactly one point.

Maybe it's because I'm a sick and cruel person, but I love the idea of Desert Bus.  I think you can safely argue that it's the most boring video game of all time.  The fact that it was made for the sole purpose of playing a prank on someone makes it even better.  "Hey, wanna try my new game?  It's called Desert Bus.  You're gonna love it.  I'm gonna go get a burger - I'll be back in 10 minutes."

It was actually Desert Bus that introduced me to this game.  I learned about it through a charity event called Desert Bus for Hope, which is described in the article:

On November 23, 2007, comedy group LoadingReadyRun started a marathon game session of Desert Bus called Desert Bus for Hope to raise money for the charity Child's Play. The four-man team took turns playing the game continuously, with more hours added as more donations were made. As of the end of the event on November 28, 2007, $22,805 had been raised, including donations from Penn and Teller themselves. The total play time for the effort reached four days and 12 hours. James Turner of LoadingReadyRun.com has played over 30 hours during the marathon session and holds the record for the longest session with breaks. LoadingReadyRun had earned 6 points until they crashed.

These insane people have now raised over $200,000 over the past three years.  In 2009 they raised $140,000 after a 5 day, 16 hour marathon, a feat which earned them a whopping 14 points in the game.  I love the fact that Penn and Teller even put in a donation.

Two of the other minigames (Mofo the Psychic Gorilla and What's Your Sign) rely on sneaky input from the owner of the game to make the player think that the game has psychic abilities.  Clever gags aside, these minigames are most notable for the use of secret menus in which Penn and Teller present short videos about the tricks involved.  In the What's Your Sign game's secret video, the duo even go as far as to bash astrology.  I can definitely get behind that.  There is also a minigame called Buzz Bombers that is set up such that the owner of the game always wins.  It even has a secret command to enter that lets the person in charge of the scam switch controllers in case the opponent gets suspicious and wants to trade.

The last of the minigames is almost as hilarious as Desert Bus, and relies on the mark's ignorance of technology to be effective.  It is called Sun Scorcher.

Sun Scorcher is a Space Invaders like game in which a player controls a spaceship that has to destroy alien invaders and the mothership. The prank in this game makes fun of video disclaimers as well as advertising buzzwords such as "Blast Processing" used during the 16-bit era. The game claims to have "thermographics" which are released by the mothership. A disclaimer (that you can't skip past) appears beforehand; and a dramatic voice states that these thermographics make the screen dangerous to touch, and even in their introduction Penn and Teller claim it is dangerous. The prank involves entering a code before playing, which causes the TV to cut to static after the third time the thermographics appear - suggesting the game has broken the TV. The owner is also meant to act as though their hand has been burned. Like the other pranks, there is a practice mode, and Penn & Teller give some hints on how to milk this trick for maximum effect.

God how I wish I could have pulled this prank on someone back in 1995 (the year of the game's non-release).

There is also the main game, in which Penn and Teller defeat enemies and solve puzzles to expose a pair of "real" magicians as frauds.  It is mostly notable for featuring guest appearances from Debbie Harry and Lou Reed.

I am deeply disappointed this game wasn't released (the publisher went out of business right after sending out review copies).  It might have spawned a whole genre of prank gaming.  Or maybe not.  Either way, I love the idea of using a video game to punk someone, and I would love it if there were other games out there like this.  If any of you know of any suggestions, please comment.

Vanburger Roundup: Hamburger Mary's

In this new feature, I do what no blogger has ever dared to do: review hamburgers in Vancouver.  This city is most known for its Asian cuisine and something called "West Coast" (which usually means overpriced Italian, Asian, and pub food variants), but it is also an excellent city for high quality hamburgers.  This says a lot, considering I am originally from what is supposed to be Canada's beefiest city: Calgary; home to plenty of excellent steakhouses, but surprisingly few good burger joints (that I know of ... it's been three and a half years since I lived there).

Vancouver has a long tradition of excellent burgers dating back to the grand-daddy of them all: White Spot, which has a rich history going back to the Depression era.  Since then, locally-owned burger joints have been a fixture on the Vancouver food scene.  Nearly all of them claim to make Vancouver's best burger.  In this feature, I intend to find out whose hot meat sandwiches truly live up to the claim.

To be eligible for the Vanburger Roundup, a restaurant must meet the following criteria:

• Must be either an independent restaurant in Vancouver (Hamburger Mary's, Moderne Burger), or a chain that originated in British Columbia (White Spot, Vera's).
• Ideally should be focused on hamburgers, but will also accept restaurants that prominently feature hamburgers on the menu.
• Must meet an acceptable level of quality.  Hard to quantify, but let's say this: if I wouldn't take a date there, it is not eligible.

I am grading on four dimensions: the place itself (includes location, decor, cleanliness, service, etc.), the burger, the fries (the traditional and best burger side), and the value I got for my money.  I will also provide an overall rating, which will be heavily weighted toward the burger component, since that's the goal here after all.


I begin with one of the Davie Village's oldest and most loved institutions: Hamburger Mary's.

Founded: 1979 (same as me)
Location: West End - 1202 Davie St. (at Bute)
Type of Restaurant: Diner
Website: http://members.shaw.ca/hamburgermarys/
Date and Time Burger Was Nom'd: Sunday, April 11, 2010 approx. 6:30 PM

The Place:


Hamburger Mary's is one of several retro diners whose burgers will be reviewed in this feature.  All the tired tropes of the retro diner are here: the jukebox (an all-digital one, however), the checkerboard tile, the metal-framed tables, and the kitschy crap on the walls.  Retro diners are kind of like tequila: you're either in the mood for it, or you don't want it anywhere near you.  There's no middle ground.

The name kind of makes me think of Typhoid Mary unfortunately, but that's just my hang-up; the place is clean, well-organized, and efficient.  Our server was polite, friendly, and attentive.  There were a few other people there when we went; it was by no means busy, but certainly not dead.  I could see myself coming back here to try other diner foods, such as breakfast or a grilled ham and cheese (which my friend ordered) if I were in the Davie area.  Its location is really the only thing that would keep an East Van resident like me from visiting more often; it's a bit of a hike from the Skytrain, and I'm pretty sure if Hercules were around today, parking in the West End would be one of his 12 trials.

That said, Mary's has a unique one-two punch among burger joints: it has cheap, good beer (Granville Island Lager when I was there) on tap, and it's open to 3 AM.  In other words, if you want a good burger and you want to get shit-faced, or if you're shit-faced and you want a good burger, this place can't be beat.

Place Rating: A-


The Burger:


If I could sum up the Mary's burger in one phrase, it would be "freedom of choice."  They have patties from beef (both standard and organic), chicken, salmon, bison, and something called "Arctic", which is apparently a combination of meats from various northern quadripeds such as caribou and musk ox.  They also have nearly everything you have ever thought of putting on a burger - plus a few things you haven't - available as a topping.  Toppings range in price from free for most vegetables to $1.69 for cheese, bacon, and such.  Some people (me, for example) could literally go nuts trying to decide exactly which of the thousands of possible combinations would make the best burger.  Fortunately Mary's has some pre-selected burger choices on the menu to order, or at least give you inspiration as you craft your own.

I chose the Vancouver Burger (beef, swiss, guacamole, sprouts, and mayo) but I replaced the sprouts with lettuce because sprouts are just nasty.  I can't imagine why you'd want to put them on a burger of all things.  I'm definitely a sucker for guac on a burger though.  It's one of those unconventional toppings that just works. Sprouts do not.  I'm going to have to give Mary a deduction just for even thinking that sprouts would be good on a burger.  That's like those people who think that tiny rancid fish are a good thing to put on pizza.

The burger itself arrived not too fast, not too slow, on a brown bun (another option).  Some places serve you the burger with the bun closed, while others leave it open for you to add condiments or roofies.  In the spirit of customer freedom, Hamburger Mary's is an open bun place. The bun was a bit larger than the patty, which is good for preventing leaks and messes, but also sometimes makes you feel like you're just biting into a bun.  The patty itself was well-cooked and flavourful, but a teeny bit dry - far from hockey puck territory though.  Toppings were fresh and in well-balanced quantities, except for the lettuce.  Mary's is apparently one of those places that throws a big leaf of romaine on the bun with no regard for it sticking way out there.

On the whole it was a very good burger, but a few small details combined to make it a bit less than ideal.

Burger Rating: B

The Fries:

Mary's does well here.  The fries were cut from raw potato on premises and fried perfectly in canola oil.  Not too mushy, not too firm, not too salty, not too complicated.  Ketchup was on the table, and when I requested malt vinegar it was provided without delay.

Fries Rating: A


Value:


My burger was $11.99 plus tax and tip, which is very good considering the location and quality of the food.  I could have paid more if I had wanted organic beef or one of the exotic meats, or if I added extra toppings.  The real savings here though is if you want a beer with your burger.  I paid for a pitcher (a BIG pitcher mind you) and my total all in was just over $30.  Keep in mind this is for Granville Island, which is a premium brand.

Value Rating: A

Overall Impression:

If I were in the West End and I wanted a burger and a beer, Hamburger Mary's would definitely be my top choice.  I have my doubts about it being the best burger in the city, and the Vanburger Roundup is certainly too young to make that call right now.  I think they would certainly be a worthy contender if they made a few minor changes, but another person might easily disagree with me and think that sprouts on a burger would be glorious.  Plus, you can't argue with the value of this place.

Overall Rating: B+, almost an A-




For future installments of Vanburger Roundup, I look forward to reviewing the following places:

• Splitz (Mid Main)
• Vera's (local chain - various locations)
• Moderne Burger (Kitsilano)
• Bamboo Cafe (Collingwood)
• ... and, of course, the grand-daddy of them all: White Spot (various)

If anyone has any suggestions for other places to hit, please post in the comments.

Wikipedia Wednesday: Kraken

Clash of the Titans, currently in theatres, is running a, um ... titanic amount of promos on TV, nearly all of which contain Liam Neeson uttering this year's catch phrase: "release the Kraken."  A massive CGI beast is then shown rising from the sea, thrashing a few tentacles about, and roaring.  I would venture to guess that the vast majority of people watching these clips have no idea what a kraken is, or where the idea of such a beast came from.  If you're one of those people (or even if you're not), I hope you learn something from this week's article.

Kraken (pronounced /ˈkreɪkən/ or /ˈkrɑːkən/) are mythical sea monsters of gargantuan size, said to have dwelt off the coasts of Norway and Iceland. The sheer size and fearsome appearance attributed to the beasts have made them common ocean-dwelling monsters in various fictional works (see Kraken in popular culture). The legend may actually have originated from sightings of real giant squid that are variously estimated to grow to 13–15 m (40–50 ft) in length, including the tentacles. These creatures normally live at great depths, but have been sighted at the surface and reportedly have "attacked" ships.

That's right, folks: though the film is based on Greek legend, the original kraken was a Norse creature.  This is a surprising mistake, considering Hollywood's long track record of historical accuracy.  Accounts of a kraken (or at least kraken-like beasts) didn't appear until circa 1250 AD, long after Perseus, Pegasus, and all those other legendary guys with names ending in "sus".

Like the Loch Ness Monster and Elvis of today, the theory that kraken actually roamed the seas took hold and persisted in spite of scant evidence.

Carolus Linnaeus included kraken as cephalopods with the scientific name Microcosmus in the first edition of his Systema Naturae (1735), a taxonomic classification of living organisms, but excluded the animal in later editions. Kraken were also extensively described by Erik Pontoppidan, bishop of Bergen, in his "Natural History of Norway" (Copenhagen, 1752–3). Early accounts, including Pontoppidan's, describe the kraken as an animal "the size of a floating island" whose real danger for sailors was not the creature itself, but the whirlpool it created after quickly descending back into the ocean. However, Pontoppidan also described the destructive potential of the giant beast: "It is said that if it grabbed the largest warship, it could manage to pull it down to the bottom of the ocean".

If we are to make a gigantic leap of faith and believe these accounts, then the Kraken is certainly the largest animal on Earth, now and ever.   More likely, what the sailors of the day were actually describing was a giant squid; an animal that, though not as enormous as a kraken, is very large and equipped with similar features.  There are a few other possibilities as well.

Since the late 18th century, kraken have been depicted in a number of ways, primarily as large octopus-like creatures, and it has often been alleged that Pontoppidan's kraken might have been based on sailors' observations of the giant squid. In the earliest descriptions, however, the creatures were more crab- like than octopus-like, and generally possessed traits that are associated with large whales rather than with giant squid. Some traits of kraken resemble undersea volcanic activity occurring in the Iceland region, including bubbles of water; sudden, dangerous currents; and appearance of new islets.

So, really then, what we have here is a bunch of drunken sailors seeing squid and volcanic activity, and getting all worked up about it.

Even as a fictional beast, the kraken is pretty awesome.  What can be more terrifying than an enormous monster that rises up out of the sea and drags ships down with it?  Perhaps the kraken is the manifestation of humanity's fear of the unknowable, black depths of the oceans.  We know more about the surface of Mars than we do about what's deep under the waves, and yet we all rely on the sea in some way or another.  I suppose it's no surprise that kraken appear in popular culture so frequently, as evidenced by this page.  There is something very alarming and appealing about a massive undersea beast that may or may not exist.

I shall close this article with one of the most tantalizing works with this beast as the subject: The Kraken by Alfred Tennyson:

 Below the thunders of the upper deep;

 Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,

 His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep

 The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee

 About his shadowy sides; above him swell

 Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;

 And far away into the sickly light,

 From many a wondrous grot and secret cell

 Unnumber'd and enormous polypi

 Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.

 There hath he lain for ages, and will lie

 Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,

 Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;

 Then once by man and angels to be seen,

 In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

Wikipedia Wednesday: Centralia, Pennsylvania

You long-time (relatively speaking) readers are probably going to assume I'm obsessed with ghost towns after reading this, and I won't tell you you're wrong.  You can't deny that there is something exciting and curiousity-piquing about a place that has been abandoned by mankind.  In today's article, we learn about a place in America that, for all intents and purposes, became hell on Earth.

Article

Centralia is a borough and ghost town in Columbia County, Pennsylvania, United States. Its population has dwindled from over 1,000 residents in 1981 to 12 in 2005 and 9 in 2007, as a result of a mine fire burning beneath the borough since 1962. … All properties in the borough were claimed under eminent domain by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in 1992 (and all buildings therein were condemned), and Centralia's ZIP code was revoked by the Post Office in 2002.

Read that again until it sinks in: a mine fire burning since 1962.  Remember: we're talking about a coal mine.  Coal burns relatively slowly, so it's reasonable to imagine a few veins of coal smouldering away for a long time.  Since oil and natural gas began replacing coal as the world's primary source of energy, coal mines have closed all over the planet, so it's reasonable to imagine an abandoned coal mine that still contains huge deposits of coal.  There's no need to imagine anything though; this fire is still observably burning today.

What started the fire?  Why, none other than our good friend Human Error:

It is not known for certain how the fire that made Centralia essentially uninhabitable was ignited. One theory asserts that in May 1962, the Centralia Borough Council hired five members of the volunteer fire company to clean up the town landfill, located in an abandoned strip-mine pit next to the Odd Fellows Cemetery. This had been done prior to Memorial Day in previous years, when the landfill was in a different location. The firefighters, as they had in the past, set the dump on fire and let it burn for a time. Unlike in previous years, however, the fire was not extinguished correctly.

Other evidence supports this theory, as stated in Joan Quigley's 2007 missive, such as the fact that one of two trash haulers (Curly Stasulevich or Sam Devine) dumped hot ash and/or coal discarded from coal burners into the open trash pit. The borough, by law, was responsible for installing a fire-resistant clay barrier between each layer, but fell behind schedule, leaving the barrier partly incomplete. This allowed the hot coals to penetrate the vein of coal underneath the pit and light the subsequent subterranean fire.

Admittedly, I am no trash hauling expert, but something about putting hot coals directly into a coal mine strikes me as a bit risky.

The resulting fire burned all through the 60's and 70's while townspeople went about their daily routine.  Attempts to put out the fire failed, but no one was even talking about evacuation at that point.  The fire was considered a simple fact of life even though some of the townsfolk began to fall ill due to atmospheric problems.  Once again, the human capacity to put up with hazardous living conditions caused by some moron never fails to amaze me.   There wasn't any political or media attention to the issue until a couple of extreme incidents at the end of the 70's:

In 1979, locals became aware of the scale of the problem when a gas-station owner and then mayor, John Coddington, inserted a stick into one of his underground tanks to check the fuel level. When he withdrew it, it seemed hot, so he lowered a thermometer down on a string and was shocked to discover that the temperature of the gasoline in the tank was 172 °F (77.8 °C). Statewide attention to the fire began to increase, culminating in 1981 when 12-year-old resident Todd Domboski fell into a sinkhole four feet wide by 150 feet (46 m) deep that suddenly opened beneath his feet in a backyard. Only the quick work of his cousin Eric Wolfgang in pulling Todd out of the hole to saved Todd's life, as the plume of hot steam billowing from the hole was measured as containing a lethal level of carbon monoxide.

When people start falling into sinkholes filled with toxic fumes, it's time to think about getting the hell out of Dodge, and that's pretty much what happened.  In 1984, US Congress approved a program to relocate everyone in the town.  Most took the buy-out offer and moved to nearby towns, but a few people decided to stay behind.  The state declared eminent domain over the entire town and condemned every single building, and yet people still stayed behind.  Personally I can't comprehend the mindset that would make a person want to keep living in a town that was trying its best to kill them.  I suspect 20 years of inhaling carbon monoxide had something to do with their decision making process.

Today, Centralia is almost entirely depleted of signs of human settlement.  Most of the abandoned buildings were torn down, the rest have been overrun by plants.  PA Route 61, which formerly ran through the town, has been diverted around it due to massive damage caused by vapor breaking through the blacktop.  The article has an amazing photo of this.

The most obvious final question about this beleaguered town: is the fire still burning?  According to the article, yes, but don't expect to see flames and destruction if you head up there:

The only indications of the fire, which underlies some 400 acres (1.6 km²) spreading along four fronts, are low round metal steam vents in the south of the borough and several signs warning of underground fire, unstable ground, and carbon monoxide. Additional smoke and steam can be seen coming from an abandoned portion of Pennsylvania Route 61, the area just behind the hilltop cemetery, and other cracks in the ground scattered about the area. Route 61 was repaired several times until its final closing. The current route was a detour around the damaged portion during the repairs and became a permanent route in the mid-1990s; mounds of dirt were placed at both ends of the former route, effectively blocking the road. Pedestrian traffic is still possible due to a small opening about two feet wide at the north side of the road, but this is muddy and not accessible to the disabled.

It's one thing to set a building on fire, another thing to burn down an entire city (as has happened to such places as London, Chicago, and Vancouver), and a completely different thing to start a fire that renders your city uninhabitable for 250 years.  I wonder if those trash haulers lived to know the magnitude of what they did.  Either way, I am almost curious enough about Centralia to visit it someday.  I will make sure to bring an extra Ventolin.